My son, Aubrey, had Thanatophoric dysplasia - a fatal form of dwarfism. I chose to carry him for as long as I could. I carried him for 37 weeks and then delivered him via c-section on April 30, 2010. He lived for 27 hours. It was the best, worst, most beautiful, most horrible, most self-less, and most selfish thing that I have ever done.
The best: I got to feel my son moving around inside me and I got to meet him alive and spend 27 wonderful hours with him.
The worst: He died.
The most beautiful: He was beautiful in every way - his curly brown hair, his blue eyes (that I only saw for brief moments), his nose that dented in the middle, his chin dimple, his short arms and pudgy fingers, his inverted nipples, his short legs, his rolls of fat, his sweet feet and toes.
The most horrible: His small chest, which caused his death.
The most selfless: To allow him to die so that he would not suffer, because there was no chance that he would live for any length of time.
The most selfish: Doctors did not know whether it would be better for him to terminate or to carry him. They assured me that they did not think he was in pain in utero, so I chose what I thought I could handle best - carrying him.
